It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
