You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize