You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
