I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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