I puked a lego.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
