so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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