He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
