I want you more than these girls want KFC
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
