I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
