butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
someone threw a dead crab at me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
