you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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