I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
