I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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