I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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