Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
