i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
