They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize