OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
