He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
