the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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