Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize