69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
