i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
