just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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