He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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