Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
