i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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