Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
