Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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