Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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