So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
