:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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