Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
