on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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