It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
