The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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