I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
