Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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