She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
