I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
