Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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