it wasn't lemon gatorade
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
