I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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