Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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