You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
