Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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