she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
