Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
