Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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