you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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