I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
