You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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