i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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