The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
