it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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