I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
