One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
