now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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