17 year olds will be the death of me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
