is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize