He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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